Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 2, ep. 1 Quippy Quotes

After killing The Master at the end of school in the last episode of season one, Buffy spends the summer with her Dad, Hank, in Los Angeles. The first episode of season two, "When She Was Bad," finds Buffy back in Sunnydale, ready to start her Junior year of High School. The problem is, she is still haunted by memories of The Master, and while she's working through her issues, she becomes distant with her friends, and even mean. And that distance puts those she cares about in danger.

Observation:

When Joyce, Buffy's Mom, drives Buffy to school on the first day, she is wearing a lacy, pink top. When she gets to school she's wearing a white, sleeveless top. On her second day of school Buffy is wearing the pink lacy top. Ooops on the continuity.

Quotes:

Hank: At least when she was burning stuff down I knew what to say.

Xander: I'm just gonna say that this has been the most boring summer ever.
Willow: Yea, but on the plus side, no monsters or stuff.
Xander: I'm just so restless. I'm actually looking forward to school starting up again.
Willow: Yea, and that wouldn't have anything to do with a certain girl we both know who is a vampire slayer.
Xander: Please, I'm so over her. Did she, uh, mention when she might be getting back? About which I do not care.

Buffy: Hi guys. Miss me?

Xander: Man, your timing really doesn't suck.

Cordelia. It was a nightmare. A total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings. I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have suffered. Of course, I think that that kind of adversity builds character. But then, I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?

Jenny Calendar: You probably spent your summer with your nose in a book.
Giles: I suppose you consider that frightfully dull.
Jenny: Depends on the book.

Willow: Giles!
Xander: Yo, G-man. What's up?
Giles: Nice to see you, and don't ever call me that.

Jenny: There are more vampires? I thought the Hellmouth was closed.
Giles: Well, it's closed, but not gone. The mystical energy that emanates from it is still concentrated in this area.
Xander: Which means we're still the undead's favorite party town.
Giles: I wonder if they're here for any purpose in particular.
Buffy: You're the Watcher. I just work here.
Giles: Yes. I must consult my books.
Xander: (to Willow): Oh, eight minutes and 33 seconds. Better pay up. (to Giles) I called ten minutes before you'd consult your books about something. Thank you.

Buffy: So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?
Angel: It's not a social call.
Buffy: Ah, so let me guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home.

Cordelia: Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
Buffy: What that an insult?
Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
Cordelia: I see your point.
Xander: I would have gone with Stooges.

Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open. Sound is coming from it. This is never good.

Cordelia: You know, we've never really been close, which is nice because I don't really like you that much. But you have, on occasion, saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is?
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever's causing this Joan Collins 'tude - deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. But get over it. Because pretty soon you're not even going to have the loser friends you've got now.
Buffy: I think it's about time you start minding your own business.
Cordelia: It's long past.

Willow: She's possessed.
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should have seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? (Giles and Willow look at Xander) She's possessed.

Giles: She may simply have what you Americans call "issues."

Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

Principal Snyder: You really have faith in those kids, don't you?
Giles: Yes, I do.
Principal Snyder: Weird.

Buffy (reading a note she received): "Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal."
Xander: They're going to cook [Cordelia] dinner? I'll pretend I didn't say that.

Buffy: You know, being stalked isn't really a big turn-on for girls.
Angel: You need help. Someone to watch your back.
Buffy: Sure you don't mean my neck?
Angel: Why are you ridin' me?
Buffy: Because I don't trust you. You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say "undead American"?

Angel: We need you to distract the vampires.
Buffy: Right.
Angel: What are you going to do?
Buffy: I'm going to kill them all. That ought to distract them.

Giles: Where's Buffy?
Xander: She's working out her issues.

Vampire: Your day is done, girl. I'll grind you into a sticky paste, and hear you beg before I smash in your face.
Buffy: So, are you gonna kill me, or are we just making small talk?

Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Jenny: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean 'til judgment day. You are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yea, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains.
Cordelia: I hear ya.

Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy. I was a moron.

Giles: What are you going to do - live inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I'll admit that. But believe me, it was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make. That wasn't as comforting as it was meant to be.
Buffy: Well, points for effort.

The Anointed One: I hate that girl!