Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 2, ep. 3 Quippy Quotes

And, we meet Spike. Ah, Spike. I don't think Spike was meant to become a regular cast member in the beginning, but fans of the show liked him so much that they kept him around, which was very smart. Ah, Spike. It's also the end of the Anointed One, which I was so happy about. That kid just couldn't act and he annoyed me so much for that very reason.

Quotes:

Principal Snyder: Shiela has never burned down a school building.
Buffy: Well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said it could have been mice.
Principal Snyder: Mice?
Buffy: Mice that were smoking?

Xander: Sheila's definitely intense. That guy with her, that's the guy she can bring home to mother.
Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her.
Xander: You're bad to the bone.
Willow: I'm a rebel.

Spike: Home, sweet home.

Spike: So, who do you kill for fun around here?
Anointed One: Who are you?
Spike: Spike.

Spike: Do you know what I've found works real good with slayers. Killing them.

Spike: So, how about this slayer? Is she tough?
[cut to Buffy brushing her hair in her room]
Buffy: Ow.
Joyce: What's wrong?
Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.
Joyce: Life is hard, dear.
Buffy: Don't I know it.

Joyce: So, what do you think your teachers are going to tell me about you?
Buffy: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class ready to absorb their knowledge.
Joyce: And this absorption rate - how is it reflected in your homework and test scores?
Buffy: What can you ever really tell about a person from a test score?
Joyce: Whether or not she'll ever see her friends again.
Buffy: Oh, that.

Joyce: Well, I look forward to meeting your Principal.
Buffy: Won't that be something.

Buffy: I'm trying. I really am. I just have a lot of pressure on me right now.
Joyce: Wait 'til you get a job.
[Joyce leaves]
Buffy: I have a job.

Buffy: I can study and party and do parent-teacher night and make my mother proud, as long as I don't...
Giles: Buffy!
Buffy: ...fight vampires.

Jenny: Rupert, you have got to read something that was published after 1066.
Giles: Very funny.

Xander: What's the up, guys?

Giles: According to her calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous.
Buffy: Let me guess, he didn't make balloon animals.

Buffy: If I survive parent-teacher night tomorrow, I'll see what I can do on Saturday.

Buffy: If my slaying doesn't get me expelled, I promise my banner-making won't get me killed, okay?

Willow: We'll help.
Xander: Yea, I'll whittle stakes.
Willow: And I can research stuff.
Xander: And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune.

Principal Snyder: You wouldn't be helping Buffy in Sheila's place, would you?
Xander: No!
Willow: We're hindering.

Sheila: Did you really burn down a school building one time?
Buffy: Well, not actually one time.
Sheila: Cool.

Xander: You've been studying for nearly 12 minutes.
Buffy: No wonder my brain's fried.

Vampire: Slayer.
Buffy: Slayee.

Spike: Nice work, love.
Buffy: Who are you?
Spike:You'll find out on Saturday.
Buffy: What happens on Saturday?
Spike: I kill you.

Giles: Spike. That's what the other vampires called him? It's a little unorthodox, isn't it?
Buffy: Maybe he's reform.

Willow: We can't run. That would be wrong. Could we hide?

Angel: Once he starts something he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead.
Xander: Hm. So he's thorough and goal-oriented.

Buffy (to Angel): You've been dating for what, like 200 years? You don't know what a girl means when she says, "maybe she'll show"?
Willow: Wow, two centuries of dating. If you had two a year, that's still like 400 dates [Buffy looks at her] with 400 different... Why do they call it a mace?

Giles: We do have slightly more important matters to discuss.
Buffy: Yea, like keeping my Mom away from Principal Snyder tomorrow night.
Jenny: And not dying on Saturday.

Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Cordelia: We're still rooting for you on Saturday. I'd be there myself if I didn't have a leg wax.

Willow: What kind of punch did you make?
Buffy: Lemonade. I made it fresh and everything.
Willow: How much sugar did you use?
Buffy: Sugar?

Cordelia: You're starting to look a little slagged. What, are you just skipping foundation entirely now?
Buffy: Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and... a third unmeshable thing.
Cordelia: Yea, I can see the oil.

Cordelia (re: Joyce talking to Principal Snyder): When they're done talking...
Buffy: What?
Cordelia: My guess? Tenth high school reunion? You'll still be grounded.
Willow: Cordelia, have some lemonade.

Spike: What can I say? Couldn't wait.

Spike: What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Come up against this slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy-dog, "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Ann Rice routine? What a world.

Spike: You were my sire! You were my... Yoda!

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?
Angel: I told you, I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.
Xander: And if he bit me? What then?
Angel: We would have known he brought it.

Spike: A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

Spike: From now on we're going to have a little less ritual and a little more fun around here.