Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 2, ep. 8 Quippy Quotes

In "The Dark Age," demons from Giles's past come back haunt him, literally. It was great to see a picture of Giles when he was in his twenties. He wasn't as straight-laced in his youth as the Scooby gang thinks he was. Unfortunately, actions from his past threaten to destroy those he cares about.

I loved hearing two references from Shakespeare in this episode. See if you can spot them.

Quotes:

Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Buffy: It's not noise, it's music.
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: But I'm aerobicizing. I must have a beat.
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.

Giles (after Buffy stops her music): Very good. And the rest is silence.

Willow: Do you think Giles ever played Anywhere But Here when he was in school?
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only 12 grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
Willow: Come on, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
Buffy: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed.

Buffy: So, what's on tap tonight that's so important? Uprising? Prophesied ritual? Pre-ordained death-fest?
Xander: Ah, the old standards.
Giles: Medical transport is delivering a monthly supply of blood to the hospital.
Buffy: Hmm. Vampire meals-on-wheels.
Giles: Hopefully not.

Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Shall I answer that or shall I just glare?

Jenny: Morning, England.
Giles: Oh, hello Ms... uh, Jenny.
Willow (to Xander): Feel the passion.
Jenny: Willow.
Willow: (coughs) Coughing, not speaking.

Xander: What's tomorrow?
Jenny: I'm reviewing some computer basics with a couple of students who've fallen behind. Willow's helping out for extra credit.
Xander: Those poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday.
Jenny: 9am okay with you, Xander?
Buffy (to Xander): Got a bit of schlub on your shoe there?

Jenny: Thank you so much for loaning me the Forester book. It's wonderful.
Giles: Glad you enjoyed it.
Jenny: It was so romantic. So evocative.
Giles: That edition was my father's. I must have read it 20 times.
Jenny: You know how you have to dog-ear your favorite pages so you can go to back them?
Giles: What?
Jenny: Well, I mean, I practically had to fold back every single page. So, finally I just started underlining all the pages I wanted to discuss.
Giles: Underlined?
Jenny: But then, of course, I spilled coffee all over it. I can't even read it.
Giles: It's a first edition.
Jenny: I'm lying, Rupert. The book's fine. I just love to see you squirm.
Giles: Well, I trust I gave good... squirm.
Jenny: Did anyone ever tell you you're a kind of fuddy-duddy?
Giles: Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else.

Cordelia: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday. Now, I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers is to replace books?

Cordelia: Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf. And I can take a hint. What's the hint?
Giles: To come back later.
Cordelia: Yea, when you've visited decaf land.

Buffy: All's well that ends with cute ER doctors, I always say.

Buffy: I'm worried about Giles. He was supposed to meet me here.
Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles - who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?

Xander: When are we gonna need computers for real life anyways?
Jenny: Let's see, there's home, school, work, and games.
Xander: You know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback.
Willow: And the abacus.
Xander: Yea, you know you don't see enough abaci.

Buffy: You sold me that dress for Halloween and nearly got us all killed.
Ethan: But you looked great.

Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through Giles's personal files to see what you can find?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath? Nah.

Giles: I'm sorry.
Buffy: Don't be sorry. Be Giles.

Willow: We have to figure out how to kill this thing, and we need to do it fast.
Xander: Uh... hot lava.
Willow: That's for a heretic.
Xander: Oh, yea, yea, yea. Okay, uh... Bury a potato. No, that's for warts. Who writes this stuff?

Buffy: Hey, maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.
Willow: Oh, no. I don't think I could handle the stress.
Xander: And the dental plan is crap.

Buffy: But I'm so used to you being a grownup and then I find out that your a person.
Giles: Most grownups are.
Buffy: Who would have thought.
Giles: Some are even short-sighted, foolish people.
Buffy: So, after all this time, we find out that we do have something in common. Which, apart from being a little weird, is kind of okay.

Buffy: I think we're supposed to be training right now.
Giles: Yes, yes. We need to concentrate on your flexibility.
Buffy: And you know what? I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it. You know you want to.
Giles: It's not music. It's just meaningless sounds.
Buffy: There. Feel better?
Giles: Yes. Thanks. (pause) Bay City Rollers. Now that's music.
Buffy: I didn't hear that.