If you love great quotes and lines from movies, you can't do better than classic movies from The Golden Age of Cinema. Some of my favorite films starred Bob Hope, and he was at his best in the "Road Pictures" he made with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour. These are the best "buddy" movies ever made. The first road picture, The Road to Singapore, was such a big hit and big money-maker, that the studios did what they still do - they wrote sequels. However, these weren't your typical sequels. The road pictures were basically the same concept for each film, they just changed the exotic locale, and the characters' names.
The scripts were written by some of the best (and funniest) screenwriters of the time. However, Bob and Bing actually brought in their own comedy writers to help them with some of the scenes. The comedy writers wrote on the spot on set, and it drove the rest of the cast crazy, especially Dorothy. She came to the set each day knowing her lines and her cues, and Bob and Bing would go off script, using the material from their writers. Poor Dorothy. But it made for great scenes between Bob and Bing.
In The Road to Morocco, Bing plays Jeff, and Bob plays Orville. They are shipwrecked near Morocco, and when they get into the city, they meet Dorothy, who plays Princess Shalmar. And hilarity ensues.
Quotes:
Orville: Look at us. Two on a raft, sunnyside up. "I'll tell you how to get home," you said. "We'll stow away," you said. "No, sir," I said. "Don't be a sap," you said. "No sir," I said. "We're stowin' away, and that's that," you said. "No, sir," I said.
Jeff: Yakety-yakety-yak. What a brilliant conversationalist you are.
Orville (re: rice cakes): I figured two of 'em for one of us was better than one of 'em for two of us.
Jeff: We're gonna get might hungry.
Orville: What do you mean, "get hungry"?
Jeff: We'll toss a coin.
(tosses coin)
Jeff: What's the date?
Orville: Hea --- (pause) 1910.
Jeff (takes a peek): Pretty close. 1911. Well, that's the way it goes. Somebody loses, somebody wins.
Orville: Okay, so you win the nickel. See if you can find any white meat on that buffalo.
Orville: Jeff, you're losin' your buttons. You mean you'd eat me? Without vegetables?
Jeff: Calm down now. Calm down, Junior. I'm not gonna do anything right away. I might not do anything for a week or so. Not until I get desperate.
Orville: Oh, Jeff, you wouldn't like me. Once I bit my tongue and I tasted awful.
Orville: The dead have a way of coming back, you know.
Jeff: Get out. When they're dead, they're dead.
Orville: Not Aunt Lucy. She was an Republican.
(in middle of the desert)
Orville: This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses.
Jeff: I think this is what's left after I clean my spinach.
Jeff: Here we go again, Junior.
Song: The Road to Morocco
Jeff: Wonder if you can get a handout in this burg. Boy, I'm starved.
Orville: If that guy wasn't lookin', I'd eat a rug.
Jeff: Plain?
Jeff: Orville, where are you?
Orville: Over here behind these goose pimples.
Jeff: Say, Fuzzy, who is that headstrong, impetuous boy?
"Fuzzy:" He is Mullay Kassim, the desert sheik.
Orville: What'd he come to town for, a manicure?
"Fuzzy:" He loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh. He has come here to ask her to marry him.
Jeff: I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce.
(a vendor shows him food he can buy)
Jeff: No, thanks, we ate four days ago.
Jeff: You just became an American idiot.
Orville: No, you do it! Who's gonna believe I'm an idiot?
Jeff: Will you look at the head start you got.
Orville: Mother told me there'd be moments like this. I wonder how she knew.
Jeff: What'd that guy hit you with, a piano?
Orville: If he get tough, don't worry about a thing. I'll be right here - under the table.
Orville: You can't sell me! I'm not a horse. It's just he way I comb my hair.
Orville: You can't do that to me! You can't sell me. You don't own me.
Jeff: Well, no. Not now. He does.
Orville: Well, I'm gettin' out of here, see. You might have sold me, see, but you're not gonna deliver me, see. Because I'm not gonna be here, see. No sir, see.
Aunt Lucy (appears to Jeff in a dream): Oh, I can't talk anymore, Jeffrey. Here comes Mr. Jordan.
Jeff: Why, you dirty, underhanded sickle snoot! We were kids together in the same class for years... 'til I got promoted.
Shalmar: Now, Orville, I want you to tell me the truth. Do you know him?
Orville: Well, I used to, but I kinda outgrew him. I don't dally much with riffraff these days, and he's a pretty raffy kind of a riff.
Shalmar: Here we have a proverb: "A goose is beautiful until it stands beside a peacock."
Jeff & Orville (to each other): Say, goose...
Jeff: Now, kiss him on the nose. See if you can straighten that out.
Jeff: Now look, puffy, I want to have a talk with you man to man.
Orville: Who's gonna hold up your end?
Orville (to guards): Oh, find my friend, Little Pete, a little corner to sleep in at the snake house.
Jeff: You big phony.
Orville: Go ahead, Buster, get yourself a rattle to play with.
Jeff: Nice parlay - from you to the snake.
Orville: Cuddle with a cobra. Happy fangs!
Mihirmah: You and I, thus! (kisses Orville on his cheek) And thus! (kisses his other cheek) And thus will my love consume you. (kisses him on the lips)
Orville: From manufacturer, direct to consumer.
Shalmar: I can't understand why you don't like him. I think he's one of the nicest men I've ever met.
Orville: Oh, he's a nice fellow, as nice fellows go. And why don't he?
Orville: Little customs -- you make 'em, you break 'em. They come and they go. Did I ever tell you about Prohibition?
Orville: Right now I could use a hold in my head.
Orville (to Jeff): You've got everything I've got, and you've had it many years longer.
Jeff: We're going to the United States to get hooked up, I tell ya.
Orville: That's not going to save your life. That guy, Hyder Khan's got that jinx of his spread all over the world.
Jeff: Oh yea. Let's see him mess around in Brooklyn.
Orville: Here comes murder incorporated.
Jeff: Call me later.
Mullay (to Shalmar): Oh, that is your plan? Running away with this dog?
Orville: I could show a dog a few things about running right now.
Jeff: Nice going, Junior. Remind me to throw you a piece of cheese in the morning.
Mullay (re: Jeff): Who is this goat? This moon-faced son of a one-eyed donkey?
Orville (to Jeff): I wouldn't let him call me that, even if there is a resemblance.
Mullay: You would dare oppose the will of Kassim?
Jeff: Oppose your will? I'll have you writing one if you mess with me, Jack!
Orville: Now you're talkin'. Go ahead, take a poke at him. We're not afraid of him... are ya?
Jeff: He says she's goin' with him.
Orville: Oh, she's going with him?
Jeff: He says she's going with him.
Orville: He make joke.
Jeff: Funny boy.
Jeff & Orville: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. Bake a cake as --
(Kassim bangs Jeff and Orville's heads together)
Jeff: Yes sir, Junior, that thing sure got around.
Orville: Yea, and back to us.
Jeff: Come on, Nipper, shake a slipper!
Orville: Okay, lover, head for cover!
Orville: Say, how did we get loose with our hands and feel tied and everything?
Jeff: If we told anybody they'd never believe it.
Orville: Oh, let's not tell 'em, huh?
Jeff: Shh... proceed.
Orville: Look at that! You know what they are, don't ya? They're buzzards.
Jeff: Yea, and they're carrying finger bowls too.
Orville: Fine way to end up - a box lunch for a bird.
Orville: Hey, what's this "now you see it, now you don't" stuff?
Jeff: We might have known. It's a mirage.
Orville: Sure was a good one. I could even smell the onions.
Jeff: Why, it's Shalmar.
Orville: She must have been visiting a gopher-friend.
Song: Moonlight Becomes You
Orville: I don't know, pal. I don't know whether I can make it. My legs feels like they're cut off near my Adam's apple.
Jeff: I guess that kiss took too much out of you, huh?
Jeff: Come on. Get aboard.
[Orville gets on Jeff's back]
Orville: If I'm too heavy, I'll throw my hat away.
Jeff: Yea, leave your head in it, huh?
Jeff: We'll storm the place.
Orville: You storm. I'll stay here and drizzle.
Orville: That was the dopiest idea. You thinkin' you could skin and horse and putting me inside. How would I look being a horse?
Orville & Jeff: Just the same.
Mullay: There must be no shedding of blood on our wedding night.
Jeff: Hey, did you hear that? Wedding.
Orville: I stopped listening when he said "blood."
Orville: A fine thing! First you sell me for 200 bucks. Then I'm gonna marry the Princess. Then you cut in on me. Then we're carried off by a deadly sheik. Now we're gonna have our head chopped off!
Jeff: I know all that.
Orville: Yea, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don't.
Jeff: You mean they missed my song?
Orville: Goodbye, honey. Don't forget to write. Just send it to the "dead letter" office.
Orville: Set the table, Aunt Lucy. There'll be two more for dinner.
Male Camel: This is the screwiest picture I've ever been in.
Female Camel: When I see how silly people behave, I'm glad I'm a camel.
Male Camel: Oh, I'm glad you're a camel too, Mabel!
Shalmar: You know, Jeffrey, I get the strangest feeling that we've been through all of this before.
Jeff: Looks like I trapped you again.
Orville: And get me. This time I'm bringing home the bacon too. And what a slab!
Orville: Say, I want the Statue of Liberty to be proud of me, so I think I'll powder my nose.
Jeff: I don't think it'll help.
Orville: Aah! Aah! I can't go on! No food, no water! It's all my fault! We're done for. It's got me! I can't stand it! No food! No nothing! No food! No water! Ah-ha-ha-ha! No food! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Jeff: What's the matter with you, anyway? There's New York. We'll be picked up in a few minutes.
Orville: You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture! I might have won an Academy Award!
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