Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 2, ep. 9 Quippy Quotes

Spike is at it again in "What's My Line, part 1." He wants to kill The Slayer. Shocker. This time he gets a little help from a secret society of assassins called the Order of Taraka. And Buffy is scared. Really scared. It's not often you see Buffy really scared. Add to that pressure, it's Career Fair time at Sunnydale High. Everyone's thinking about what they will do when they grow up, and Buffy feels like her life is already planned out for her. She has one purpose: slay vampires. She's thinking it doesn't sound like a great future.

Oh, and there's a treat in this episode when Sarah Michelle (Buffy) gets to show off her ice skating skills. And she's pretty good.

Quotes:

Xander: These people can't tell from one multiple choice test what we're supposed to be doing for the rest of our lives. It's ridiculous.
Willow: I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I could have.
Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
Willow: We're not going to be young forever.
Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid. (pause) Okay, let's not all rush to disagree.
(pause)
Buffy: You're not stupid.

Xander: Cordelia Chase - always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and pretty.
Cordelia: Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice. (leaves)

Willow: You're not even a teensy weensy curious about what kind of career you could have had? I mean, if you weren't already the slayer 'n all.
Buffy: Do the words, "sealed" and "fate" ring any bells, Will? Why go there?
Xander: You know, with that kind of attitude, you could have had a bright future as an employee at the DMV.

Angel: Buffy! You scared me.
Buffy: Now you know what it feels like, Mr. Stealth Guy.

Buffy: We're having this thing at school.
Angel: Career week?
Buffy: How did you know?
Angel: I lurk.
Buffy: Right.

Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: Yea. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

Cordelia: Oh, here I am. Personal shopper or motivational speaker. Neato.
Xander: Motivational speaker on what? "Ten ways to a more annoying you?"

Xander: They assigned you to the booth for law.
Buffy: As in police?
Xander: As in polyester, donuts and brutality.
Willow: Oh, but donuts!
Buffy: (groans)

Giles: I've been indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You'd be amazed at how numbily pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were.
Buffy: Color me stunned.

Buffy: If you don't like the way I do my job, why don't you find somebody else? Oh, that's right. There can only be one. As long as I'm alive there is no one else. Well, there you go. I don't have to be the slayer. I could be dead.
Giles: That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I don't laugh.

Xander: Principal Snyder. Great career fair, sir. Really. In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking principal school. I wanna walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now.

Giles: You're behaving remarkably immaturely.
Buffy: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I've yet to mature.

Giles: Oh dear, oh dear.
Buffy: I hate when you say that.

Buffy: Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning.

Willow: So, Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected with the one you slayed last night? Or is it "slew"?
Giles: Both are correct.

Giles: We can expect to be here late tonight.
Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.

Buffy: You have to admit I kinda lack  in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains. I'll only be here for moral support anyway.
Xander: That's untrue, Buff. You totally contribute. You go for snacks.

Giles: This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: Hey, didn't they beat the Elks in the Sunnydale adult bowling championships?
Giles: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.
Giles: That's enough, Xander! Sorry. It's just not the time for jokes. I need to think.

Xander: Well, she didn't go home. I let the phone ring a few hundred times, then I remembered her Mom is out of town.
Giles: Maybe Buffy unplugged the phone.
Xander: No, it's statistically impossible for a 16-year-old girl to unplug her phone.

Willy: I'm stayin' away from that whole scene. I'm livin' right, Angel.
Angel: Sure you are, Willy. And I'm taking up sun-bathing.

Giles: Willow
Willow (wakes up suddenly): Don't warn the tadpoles!
Giles: Are you all right?
Willow: Giles. What are you doing here?
Giles: It's the library, Willow. You fell asleep.
Willow: Oh... I...
Giles: "Don't warn the tadpoles"?
Willow: I... I have frog fear.

Xander: Come one, Cordelia. You wanna be a member of the Scooby Gang, you gotta be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.
Cordelia: Right, cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweekos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented, homeless man.