Buffy the Vampire Slayer: season 2, ep. 12 Quippy Quotes

The story in "Bad Eggs" revolves around a common assignment in High School: learn about parenting by taking care of an egg. Simple. Well, this is Buffy, so we know it won't be.

I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and a lot of the episodes are really good. However, some episodes are just plan silly. "Bad Eggs" is not a great episode, and it is plain silly. Nevertheless, like all Buffy episodes it has some good lines. It also has two interesting characters: the Gorch brothers - vampires from the 1800s Wild West. I wish the episode had more of the Gorch brothers and less of the "eggs."

Quotes:

Joyce: I'll go to the printer's, and then get our food. You go to the tailor's and pick up my outfit from "Everyday Woman."
Buffy: "Everyday Woman"?
Joyce: Hm hm. There's the receipt.
Buffy: Why didn't you just go to "Mumus R Us"?
Joyce: Do now. Make fun of your mother later.

Willow: Buffy, how come you weren't in class?
Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is "absent."
Willow: Tardy people show.

Xander: You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe, and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.

Xander: The only thing that stresses me is, when do we tell them they're adopted.

Buffy: Okay little egg dude, let's see... Feeding... check. Burping... eww... check. Diapers... sort of. In theory, I guess. Okay, good night, Egbert.

Joyce: How's the parenting going?
Buffy: Fine.
Joyce: Are you sure your egg is secure in that?
Buffy: Did I ask for back-seat mommying?

Buffy: I didn't sleep well.
Joyce: What's the matter? Your egg keep you up all night?
Buffy: You're killing me. Parenting is a pain.
Joyce: Wait 'til it starts dating.

[Xander drops his egg]
Willow: It didn't break. How come it didn't break?
Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. Pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Xander: Yea. I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick-skinned now.
Giles: Technically, that would be cheating, yes?
Xander: No. It's like a shortcut. You know, like when you run a race?
Buffy: That would also be cheating.
Willow: You should be ashamed.
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that. Or possibly thank you.

Xander: Can I just say ... gyeurgh!
Buffy: I see your gyeurgh, and raise you a nyargh!

Cordelia: What is it?
Xander: We don't know what it is, Cordelia. That's why we're here. Capeesh?
Cordelia: "Capeesh"? What are you, world traveler now?

[Joyce notices the titles of Giles's books]
Joyce: "Bristow's Demon Index"? "Hell's Offspring"?
Giles: A hobby of mine. But having nothing to do with Buffy in any way.

Lyle Gorch: I told you this weren't over.
Tector Gorch: She's so cute and little. Do you think we can keep her?
Buffy: Guys, this really isn't a great time.
Lyle: Oh, it's gonna be.