Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: season 3, ep. 13, Quippy Quotes

Poor Xander. He just can't seem to catch a break. He's the only member of the scooby gang who can't do anything to help kill the vampires and demons and monsters (oh, my!). Buffy and Faith have super-human strength. Willow can cast spells. Angel is a vampire. Oz is a werewolf. And Giles... well, he's Giles.

In "The Zeppo," Xander just wants to prove that he's cool, and he gets stuck with a new gang. A, let's say, motley crew. As Buffy, Willow, and Giles try to figure out how to keep some demons from opening the hellmouth and bringing about the end of the world, Xander's stuck with a juvenile delinquent and a bunch of his friends he's raised from the dead.

This episode is a perfect example of how Buffy the Vampire Slayer mixes comedy with action and drama. While the scooby gang is fighting the demon from the hellmouth, that's trying to end the world, Xander is fighting his new dead "friends," and trying to keep the school from being blown up. You guess which part contains the comedy.

Fun Fact: There's a scene in this episode in the lunch room, and at the beginning of the scene there's a shot of what's for lunch: saurkraut, hot dogs, and spaghetti. That shot was originally in season 2, episode 19, "I Only Have Eyes for You." It's the scene where snakes invade the lunch room. In "The Zeppo," at the end of the shot of the food, you can actually see Cordelia paying for her lunch, and Xander, Buffy and Willow sitting at one of the tables. And then the scene continues with Xander at one of the tables talking to Oz. Way to reuse old footage.


Buffy: Willow, you okay?
Willow: Yea, I'm fine. The shaking is a side-effect of the fear.

Xander: I'm good. We're fine. Just a little bit dirty. Good show everyone. Just great. I think we have a hit.

Xander: If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it.

Buffy: Maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray-adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yea. That was really manly how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.

Buffy: What should we do with the trio here? Burn them?
Willow: I brought marshmallows. [everyone looks at her] Occasionally, I'm callous and strange.

Giles: Xander, I think in the future perhaps it would be best if you hung back to the rear of the battle, for your own sake.
Xander: But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter.
Giles: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen joke, sir. Pretty much gonna be lost on you.
Giles: Sorry.
Xander, Hey, it's okay.

Cordelia (to Xander): Boy, of all the humiliations you've had I've witnessed, that was the latest.

Xander (to Cordelia): Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?

Cordelia: You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.
Xander: I was just talking to... Hey, mind your own business.

Cordelia: Xander, you're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo.

Xander: But, it's just that it's bugging me - this "cool" thing." I mean, what is it? How do you get it? Who doesn't have it? And who decides who doesn't have it? What is the essence of cool?
Oz: Not sure.
Xander: I mean, you yourself, Oz, are considered more or less cool. Why is that?
Oz: Am I?
Xander: Is it about the talking? You know, the way you tend to express yourself in short, noncommittal phrases?
Oz: Could be.

Xander: I gotta learn an instrument. Is it hard to play guitar?
Oz: Not the way I play it.

Buffy: And they're here in Sunnydale for what - Demon Expo?
Giles: Buffy, this is no laughing matter.
Buffy: Hence my no laughing.

Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure and public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me when I was late for a test and naked.

Cordelia: Ooh, is some evil going on? Must be big for them to entrust you with this daredevil mission.
Xander: Cordelia, feel free to drop dead of a wasting disease in the next 20 seconds.
Cordelia: Ooh, again I strike the nerve. I am the surgeon of mean.

Xander: Stay calm. A little fender bender. It's not... the end of the world.

Buffy: "Sisterhood of Jhe. Race of female demons, fierce warriors..." Eww. "...celebrate victory in battle by eating their foes." They couldn't just pour Gatorade on each other?

Giles: All we know is the fate of the entire world rests on it -- Did you eat all the jellies?
Buffy: Did you want a jelly?
Giles: I always have a jelly. I'm always the one that says, "Let's have a jelly in the mix."
Willow: We're sorry. Buffy had three.

Xander: I am really sorry about that, but your car came out of nowhere.
Jack: I was parked.
Xander: Exactly. Look, I can cover the damages. I don't have insurance in the strictest sense of the word.

Xander: Great knife. Although, I think it may technically be a sword.
Jack: She's called "Katie."
Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you.

Jack: Don't you feel pathetic?
Xander: Mostly I feel Katie.

Jack: You know what the difference between you and me is?
Xander: Again, Katie's springing to mind.

Bob: How long have I been down?
Jack: Eight months. I had to wait till the stars aligned.
Bob: Oh, eight months. I got some catching up to do. Walker, Texas Ranger -- you been taping them?

Bob: It's gonna be a night to remember. Yeah!
Xander: I'm sensing that.

Xander: Listen, do you guys need any help?
Giles: Hmm? Oh, no. Thank you. Probably best if you stay out of trouble.
Xander: No chance of that.

Giles: There's something different about this. Something in the air - the stench of death.
Xander: Yea, I think it's Bob.

Xander (to himself): Okay, now I'm involved in crime. I'm the criminal element. Having a car sure is cool.

Bob: You got a problem with dead people?

Xander: Now, I'm gonna ask you this once, and you better pray you get the answer right. How do I difuse -- [corpse loses his head] I probably should've left out that whole middle part.

Xander: Where's a slayer when you need one?

Xander: Should've learned by now. If you're gonna play with fire, you gotta expect, sooner or later... [corpse runs away] I wasn't finished yet! Note to self: less talk.

Xander: I'm not leaving till that thing's disarmed.
Jack: I guess you're not leaving.

Xander: I don't think I wanna be seeing you on campus anymore, Jack.
[Xander leaves]
Jack: I'm not going anywhere, Harris. The first time you turn your back ---

Willow: Xander. Boy, you're lucky you weren't at school last night. It was crazed.
Xander: Well, uh, give me the quiet life.

Xander: I'm gonna grab a snack. Anyone want? Oz?
Oz: No. Oddly full today.

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