Buffy the Vampire Slayer: season 3, ep. 12, Quippy Quotes

In "Helpless," Buffy is looking forward to spending her birthday with her father at the Ice Show, but instead, she finds out that her father can't make their yearly Ice Show tradition, she loses her slayer abilities, and she is forced to fight one of the worst vampires she's ever had to face - one that's not only the living dead, but criminally insane. But the worst blow of all is when Buffy learns how she lost her abilities, and by whose hand. Happy birthday, Buffy.

Quotes:

Buffy: Actually, I do have a thing.
Angel: A thing? A date?
Buffy: Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him "Daddy."
Angel: Your father. It is your father, right?

Buffy: How do you know when one's aura is dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write "wash me" on it?

Vampire: I'll kill you for that.
Buffy: For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?

Buffy: I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca.

Xander: An ice show. A show performed on ice. And how old are we again?

Oz: Ice is cool. It's water, but it's not.

Xander: We're still talking party, right? I mean, some of us still love to relish celebrating in the birth of the Buff.

Buffy: I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash. People die.
Willow: But 18 is a big one, Buffy. You can vote now. You can be drafted. You can vote not to be drafted.

Buffy: I think I'll choose to celebrate this one with quiet reflection.
Xander: Where is it written that quiet reflection can't combined with cake and funny hats?

Buffy: You know, it's not just cartoon characters. They do pieces from operas and ballets. Brian Boitano doing Carmen is a life changer.

Buffy: I just got swatted down by some no-neck and rescued by Cordelia.

Buffy: I have no strength. I have no coordination. I throw knives like...
Giles: A girl?
Buffy: Like I'm not the slayer.

Xander: Maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse, and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um... slayer kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptoite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird--
Buffy: Guys. Reality.

Buffy: Before I was the slayer, I was... Well, I don't want to say shallow, but let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless - we'll just call her Spordelia - looked like a classical philosopher next to me.

Angel: I saw you before you became the slayer.
Buffy: What?
Angel: I watched you and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps, and... and I loved you.
Buffy: Why?
Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own.
Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross.
Angel: I was just thinking that too.

Buffy: Hummers. Big turn off. I like guys that can remember the lyrics.

Buffy: If you touch me, I'll kill you.

Cordelia: Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not going to bother.

Cordelia: Did something take her memory? He's Giles. Giles. He hangs out here a lot.

Buffy: Cordelia, could you drive me home?
Cordelia: Of course. But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.

Kralik: I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.

Buffy: If I was at full slayer powers, I'd be punning right about now.

Buffy: I think you better leave town before I get my strength back.

Buffy: The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-renching misery and horror.
Oz: Bright side to everything.

Xander: Admit it. Sometimes you just need a big strong man. Uh, Wil, give me a hand with that?