Buffy the Vampire Slayer: season 3, ep. 9 Quippy Quotes

Cordelia is in a difficult place right now. In the last episode, she caught her boyfriend, Xander, kissing his best friend, Willow, and while trying to get away from the situation, she fell through a rotted staircase and fell onto a stake. At the beginning of "The Wish," Cordy is healing. Well, her physical wound is healing, her emotional wound, not so much.

Cordy thinks that all of the bad things that happened to her are because Buffy came to Sunnydale two years ago. So, she wishes that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. More importantly, she makes her wish after a vengeance demon gives her an amulet to wear. And guess what - her wish is granted. It's Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets It's a Wonderful Life. But Bedford Falls didn't have to deal with vampires when George Bailey was never born, especially not Xander and Willow vamps. As the sage said, "Be careful what you wish for."

The best part of this episode is we meet Anya for the first time. She is one of my favorite Buffy characters. We just don't get a lot of "Anyaness" in this episode because she is still a demon. We'll get the best of Anya in future episodes when she's a former demon trying to be human. She actually acted more human in this episode, when was a demon.

Quotes:

Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but you know what I mean.

Buffy: You got plans.
Xander: I cannot stress enough how much I don't have plans.
Buffy: No luck reaching Cordelia.
Xander: I've left a few messages. 60. 70.

Xander: You know what really bugs me? Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.
Willow: Darn tootin'.
Xander: And they burst in rescuing us... without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault.
Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.

Cordelia: Most people around here can't tell Prada from... Payless.

Harmony: Cordy, when I heard about... Well, I mean, I couldn't believe it. But it was smart, you know, the injury thing. You take a week off... let everybody forget about the temporary insanity that was Xander Harris.
Cordelia: Xander who?

Anya: Don't you kinda wish...
Cordelia: I don't wish. I act.

Xander: Excuse me. I need to be both giving and receiving of mirth. Is it too much to ask for a little backup?
Buffy: I'm here for you, Xand. I'm support-o-gal.

Willow: It's true. Cordelia belongs to the justified camp. She should make us pay. And pay and pay and pay. In fact there's just not enough pay for what we--
Xander: Look, you want to do guilt-apalooza, fine, but I'm done with that. Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do it's magical little healie thing. What's done is done. Let's be in the moment. Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me?
Buffy: He's actually making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same?
Willow: Absolutely. It's self-indulgent. I'm in. I'm on the joy train.
[pause]
Buffy: That didn't work. Who wants chocolate?

Cordelia: I never would have looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him look marginally cooler by hanging with him. I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
Anya: Done.

Cordelia: She was like a good fairy. A scary, veiny, good fairy.

Xander: I had a prime kill. Old crush, actually. Till that wanna-slay librarian showed up.

Xander (to the Master): Weird thing, girl kept talking about Buffy. "Gotta get Buffy here." Isn't that what they called the slayer?
Willow: Hmm. Buffy. Ooh. Scary.
Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.

Cordelia (to Giles): You have to get Buffy. Buffy changes it. It wasn't like this. It was better. I mean, the clothes alone... But people were happy. Mostly.

Giles: Buffy Summers?
Buffy: That's right. You wanna tell me what I'm doing here?

Giles: Well. I'd say that my watcher muscles haven't completely atrophied after all.

Buffy: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart.
Giles: She's not a vampire.
Buffy: Well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill.

Buffy: You're taking an awful lot on faith here, Jeeves.
Giles: Giles.

Giles: I have to believe in a better world.
Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.

Buffy: I don't play well with others.

Xander: We really are living in a golden age.

Angel: What's the plan.
[Buffy holds up a stake]
Buffy: Don't fall on this.

Willow: Uh oh. Puppy got out.

Giles: I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing.
Anyanka: Wrong.

Anyanka: You trusting fool. How do you know that the other world is any better than this?
Giles: Because it has to be.

Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: That would be cool. No. Wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men, except maybe the dumb and really agreeable kind, disappear off the face of the Earth. That would be so cool. Or maybe...

And... in case you're wondering what Xander and Willow vamps look like, here you go...