Once Upon a Time: Tiny

This episode was extremely frustrating to me. I just wanted to see Mr. Gold and Emma actually get to their destination. But no. We had to have the backstory of Andre, the giant. Oops, I mean Anton, the giant. And all for what? So he could plant a magic bean starter in Storybrooke that may eventually help the townfolk get back to the Enchanted Forest? Oh, and so we could meet Jack, the Giant Slayer. Big whoop. Come on, move the story along.

We also learned two important things in this episode: 1) Mr. Gold has no magical powers outside of Storybrooke; and 2) David's real name.

Observations:

Mr. Gold gives in to Emma pretty quickly when she says she wants to bring Henry.

Emma, can your scarf be any bigger?

Didn't Mr. Gold always know who he was, even when everyone else was cursed with forgetfulness? So, why did he need a potion to keep him from forgetting  that he was Rumpelstiltskin when he never forgot in the first place?

Emma takes Henry out of school to go on this little trip with her and Mr. Gold. This kid is never getting into college.

I love the word "malfeasance." I want to use it in my everyday speech. There's just a plethora of big words being used by characters in my favorite shows lately. And it's interesting that Hook pronounces "malfeasance," with four syllables instead of three. He says "mal-fe-a-sance" instead of "mal-fea-sance." It must be another of those words that Brits pronounce differently than Americans. Except usually they pronounce words with fewer syllables than we do than more syllables (case in point - "extraordinary").

I am shocked that David didn't hit Hook when Hook tells Mary Margaret he see where Emma got her gumption from. That leer from him was quite suggestive.

I wish Leroy would find Astrid again. Then he could be Dreamy again, instead of Grumpy.

It's so funny when the other giants get so excited about the bean harvest and Anton responds with an very unenthusiastic, "Yay," because that's exactly how I felt about the flashback.

Every time anyone mentions anything about the beans I think of the musical, Into the Woods. By the way, when is that movie coming out? Hmm.

I had the same question as Anton about the beans. Why do they grow them when nobody uses them? Arlo says, "it's what we do." That's no kind of an answer. It really bugs me when the writers need a specific plot point so it will pay out in the future, but they can't get it to make sense, so they just glaze over it and expect us to accept it without questioning. Well, I'm questioning.

David finally went after Hook. But instead of hitting him, he just pushes him against the side of the ship. Come on, David, you're a man of action. Is that all you've got?

If Hook healed Belle, then why is she still in the hospital? She's not crazy. She just forgot who she really is. Can't they just let her try to lead a normal life instead of keeping her in the hospital? Or maybe it's because that's the only kind of life she remembers. Hmm. And does she not even know her Storybrooke name? Does she have a name? Maybe it's... Belle. Hmm.

So, we get a chance to see the real Prince James again. Really, who cares? He's dead. Okay, that sounds a bit unfeeling, but I'd rather see flashbacks of characters I'm invested in. However, it does give Josh Dallas the opportunity to explore another character and show us his range of acting.

James's latest dalliance would love to battle a giant. Could she be...?

James's "girlfriend" must have been in Wonderland. She battled the Jabberwocky, and she was paid with a piece of mushroom that can make someone bigger. How did she get to Wonderland? Or is that just a throwaway reference?

Surprise! Jack's a girl. Shocker! *wink* That deconstruction really isn't as interesting as making Red the wolf. (Side note: I think it's strange that everyone has been referring to Ruby as a werewolf now, instead of just a wolf.)

When the camera lingers on Jack's smirking face after Anton says, "Nice to meet you, Jack," and the music swells, I wanted to laugh.It's as if the writers are elbowing us, saying, "Were you shocked, huh? Were ya? Were ya?"

I found it very amusing that Henry asks Gold if he's ever been outside of Storybrooke. Um, Henry. No one's left the town. First of all, they couldn't for 28 years because the town was cursed. Then, after the curse was broken, no one could leave the town or they'd forget again who they really are. Where have you been?

I'm wondering why Mr. Gold is so freaked out. He's Rumpelstiltskin, a cocky man with magical powers. It seems so out of character to see him freaked out. I know it's a different world for him, but come on! And why fly? It's less expensive to drive, and you don't have to go through security.

How do Regina and Hook know each other? Have they ever met before?

Is it really Regina who is talking to Hook? Or is it Cora? It seems strange that Regina would say that there's a giant in town who wants to "kill the prince." Why would Regina call David "the prince"? Wouldn't she call him David or even Prince James? Why "the prince"? Hmm.

Regina calls Anton "just the distraction we need." I wonder what the plan is. What is she (or Cora) planning to do while everyone else is distracted by a giant on the loose?

Okay, it has to be Cora who gives the mushroom to Anton. Why would Regina carry around a muff? After all, it is Cora who wanted a giant in Storybrooke, not Regina.

How do you hide a beanstalk that big? Humans are sure to come across it sometime.

Mr. Gold freaks out and bangs his hand hard enough to make it bleed. Was that scene just so that he could find out that he doesn't have magic to heal himself? If that's true, did the writer's make Mr. Gold so freaked out before he found out he had no magic just so he could discover he has no magical powers? I would have made him freak out after he found he had no powers, not before. It would have made it more interesting to see him change all of a sudden from that revelation, not just from going through security at an airport.

It's so funny that David and Mary Margaret are raising their voices at Anton. He's tall. I don't think he's deaf.

How do James and Jack jump from the beanstalk to the floor? There seems to be a big gap there.

All the giants have to do is step on James and Jack. I don't get why they're such a threat. Sure they have poison swords. Just give them a little flick with your finger, and don't touch the sword.

Davids' real name is David. Hah! That is funny. Regina thought she was changing James's name to David. Instead she changed David's name to David.

I'm so confused about the town line. Doesn't the town go all the way to the ocean? If the town line were where Mary Margaret indicated, then wouldn't the Storybrooke townspeople have noticed that they couldn't cross that street when they were still cursed?

Anton's awfully quiet while hanging on to that pipe. I would have been screaming my head off.

It's so funny that they have to give Granny that one thing to do - hook the rope onto the back of the truck.

It would have been impossible for David to pull Anton up from that hole the way that he was situation with that rope. I guess that's why we don't see anything between Anton taking his hand and Anton coming out of the hole.

Why are those beans so important to the giants. I just don't get it. Did they use them to go to other lands? What was the purpose of the beans?

How would David know how good the farm land is in Storybrooke? Has he secretly been planting crops since the curse was broken? He was a farmer, after all.

How did Anton know that the dwarfs were miners? Did the pick axes give them away? Or did they have a little "get to know you" conversation while they were walking to the middle of the field?

How cute that Anton got an ax. And it knew his nickname.

Okay, I have a joke... How many dwarfs does it take to plant a magic bean starter? Six - to give moral support to the giant who's digging the one hole where the starter will go. Yes, I'm wondering why it takes six dwarfs and a giant to plant one little starter.

Please, please, please let next week's episode be better than this weeks. And please, please, please let the dialogue be better.

Quotes:

Gold: My name is Rumpelstiltskin. And we're going to find my son.

Mary Margaret: You like the holster, huh?
David: I miss carrying a sword.
Mary Margaret: Well, it looks good on you.

Mary Margaret: That went well.
David: For her it doesn't get much better.

Leroy: No funny business. I'm watching you, pirate.
Hook: Yes, Dwarf. That should deter me from any malfeasance.

Mary Margaret: Oh, don't worry, Leroy. He'll help us.
Hook: What makes you so sure?
Mary Margaret: Because you're a pirate. You know which way the wind blows, and right now - it is gusting toward us.
Hook: Oh, I see where your daughter got her gumption.

Hook: Cora's not the most communicative of lasses.

Leroy: So, Cora used magic to make him travel-sized?

King George: There's giant running amok.

Anton: I'm Anton. I'm a giant.

Anton: At least tell me your name.
Jack: Jacklyn. But most people call me Jack.

David (to Anton, re: James): He paid the ultimate price for his arrogance. He's dead. Here's nothing more you can do to him.

Anton: Emma. Let me talk to her. If she says you're okay, then I'll stop.
Mary Margaret: She's kind of out of town.
(Side note: I just have to say that some of the dialogue in this episode is so bad. "Then I'll stop"? Who says that?)

Anton: But you're my friends.
Jack: No. We're not. If you and your people want to save your lives, take us to the beans.
(Take us to the beans! Hah! So bad.)

[While running away from Anton, the giant]
Leroy: So, let me get this straight. You had a twin brother?
David: Yea.
Leroy: Whose name is James?
David: Right.
Leroy: But your name is James.
David: No, actually it's not.
Leroy: It's Charming, then?
Mary Margaret: No. That's the nickname I gave him.
Leroy: What the hell is your name?
David: David.
Leroy: Your cursed name?
David: My real name.
Leroy: What? You're David James and Charming? Is it like a middle name?
David: No. It's my name name.
Leroy: You know, whatever. I'm going to call you whatever I damn well please. Is that okay?
David: Sure, Leroy.

Anton: You saved my life.
Mary Margaret: That's what we do.

Leroy: No one touches our crop.
Anton: Your crop? I thought you guys were miners.
Leroy: Work is work. It's what we do.
(Hmm, sounds like Arlo and Mary Margaret. "It's what we do." No need to explain any further, right?)

Leroy: An ax never lies.

Emma: You good, kid?
Henry: Are you kidding? A trip with you. First plane ride. And we're going on a quest like in the book. The thing that can make this day better is more frosting.