Quotes:
Joyce: We got a very exciting shipment in at the gallery. I, um, thought I'd hang a few pieces in here. It cheers up the room.
Buffy: It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the room to suffer.
Joyce: You have no appreciation of primitive art.
Joyce: Are you going out?
Buffy: Oh, um, well, if it's okay. I, um, I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip.
Joyce: Can I make you a sandwich or something before you go? You must be starving.
Buffy: I was until that four-course snack you served me after dinner.
Buffy (to Xander): Didn't anyone ever warn you about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.
Cordelia (over Xander's walkie talkie): Come in, Nighthawk. Everything okay?
Buffy: Nighthawk?
Buffy (at Giles's front door): What if he's mad.
Xander: Mad? Just because you ran away and abandoned your post and your friends and your mom and made him lay awake every night worrying about you? Maybe we should wait out here?
Xander: Check it out. The Watcher's back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change, maybe becoming a looker or a seer.
Buffy: I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first.
Giles: Yes. Yes, of course. How did you find her.
Buffy: Well, I pretty much remembered the address.
Xander: So, where were you? Did you go to Belgium?
Buffy: Why would I go to Belgium?
Xander: I think the relevant question is why wouldn't you? Belgium!
Xander: You can leave the slaying to us while you're settling in. We got you covered.
Buffy: I noticed. You guys seem down with the slayage. All tricked out with your walkies and everything.
Cordelia: Yea, but the outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe.
Giles: As for school, Buffy. You know you'll have to talk to Principal Snyder before --
Buffy: On it. Mom is making an appointment with His Ugliness.
Joyce: I've been on the phone with the superintendent of schools. At least he seems more reasonable than that nasty little horrid, bigoted rodent man.
Joyce: I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive about things. I mean, it's not your fault you have a special circumstance. They should make allowances for you.
Buffy: Mom, I'm a slayer. It's not like I have to ride a little bus to school.
Buffy (to Giles): Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo.
Buffy: You know, I like art talk just as much as the next very dull person, but we have work to do Giles.
Oz: It looks dead. It smells dead. Yet, it's moving around. That's interesting.
Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?
Willow: What about Buffy's welcome home dinner tonight. I'd told her mom we'd help out. Bring stuff.
Cordelia: I'm the dip.
Xander: Uh, you gotta admire the purity of it.
Cordelia: What? Onion dip. Stirring, not cooking. It's what I bring.
Oz: We should figure out what kind of deal this is. I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, or a hootenanny?
Cordelia: What's the difference?
Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings. Shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. And hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
Giles (to himself): Unbelievable. "Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead." Americans.
Joyce: You know what? You and I are going to have a talk.
Buffy: Mom, please.
Joyce: You know what? I don't care. I don't care what your friends think of me or you for that matter, because you put me through the wringer, Buffy. I mean it. And I've had schnapps.
Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute, okay? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault --
Buffy: Cordy! Get out of my shoes.
Oz: Okay, I'm gonna step in now, being referee guy.
Willow: No, let them go, Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence.
[Zombie smashes through the living room window]
Willow: I was being sarcastic!
Xander: Man, this sucker wobbles, but he won't fall down.
Giles: Cordelia, it's me. It's me.
Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not Zombie Giles?
Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
Cordelia: It's him.
Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared. Not good.
Joyce: So, is this a typical day at the office.
Buffy: No. This was nothing.
Giles: You can't keep her out of this school.
Principal Snyder: I think you'll find I can.
Giles: You have no grounds for expelling her.
Principal Snyder: I have grounds. I have precedent, and a tingly feeling.
Willow: I understand you having to bail, and I can forgive that. I have to make allowances for what you're going through and be a grownup about it.
Buffy: You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?
Willow: It's like a drug.
Willow: I'll stop giving you a bad time... runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry... quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.
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